Crucial Conversations

I recently just attended a Crucial Conversations course conducted by True North, and find that this is really a good course. The cost materials include a toolkit that contains the contents taught during the course, a book and a set of 6 CDs, as shown in the follow picture.

The course taught us to differentiate facts (e.g. what you see or hear yourself) versus stories (e.g. other people's opinions that you hear from them on what they see or hear). It taught us this important word - STATE and to use this during our crucial conversations.

S: - State the FACTS (facts are facts, more persuasive and least consulting; feelings and stories often keep us from facts)

T: - Tell the Stories

A: - Ask for Other's Paths (the magic sentence - "Can you help me better understand?")

T: - Talk Tentatively (e.g. saying "In my opinion" is more tentative than saying "The fact of the matter is" as the latter is too forceful)

E: - Encourage Testing (sincerely inviting differing opinions)

Before attending the course, many participants, including me, felt that we jumbled up the facts and stories, and said facts and stories together instead of saying all the facts first followed by stories. This often leads to the other party thinking the stories you said are real, which may not be real in reality, and indirectly causing the other party to be defensive. After attending the course, we concluded that we should really try out "STATE". Hopefully I would remember this and many other useful things taught during the course, and apply them in work, with family and friends.

It's hard to share with you in details of what I've learnt through blogging, considering that I've learnt via 2 days of classroom style learning with a trainer guiding us through learning scenarios. If you are keen to know more, you should really consider attending the course! :)